Friday, June 22, 2007

My Sunshine Song

My tea's gone cold and I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all.....
the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if i could it'll all be gray
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad....

(Eminem -Stan ft. Dido)

The breezy lyrics of the feat (and the feat alone) apart, the thing I loved most about the song was the background sound of the patter of raindrops on the window sill, the sound of rain lashing on the road.... beautiful!

I almost felt like I was staring out of my window in the wee hours of a rainy morning, watching the raindrops dancing on the surface of the pond... hmmm

And this, at 2 am in the morning, when the day had tired me out... and I wrote this down: (Disclaimer: I don't claim to be a great poet. And it is upto you if you want to call it a poem. For me, it is the sunshine song.... my song....)

There's no sunshine smiling when I awake
The rain clouds keep him away from me
and I am wondering why i got out of bed at all..

The song in my heart is silenced
and the summer in me sings no more...
The morning tea's gone cold - it has been a while since I had it warm,
a while since you warmed it for me...

but your picture in my mind - it reminds me that it's not so bad, it is not so bad...
i know i can do without the sunshine
cuz your picture's warm - yes, your picture warms my heart...


Thursday, June 21, 2007


Of late, I have been feeling this incredible desire to put down in writing, all those nice unforgettable words people have spoken of me. Needless to say, all of these touched me deeply more for the feeling than for the words themselves.

1. I may not believe in everything you believe in, but I believe in you.

2. There has been a time in my life when you have been a goddess for me. And you are still one.

3. You are my sunshine.

4. I love the conviction with which you stand up for your beliefs in the face of all odds. And that is why I respect you for it although I don't believe in your cause myself.

5. I wouldn't flinch even if I knew you spoke badly about me to another. I know that wouldn't be bitching. Because it is you. Because I trust you so much.

6. I am so glad you are my friend.

7. You get me to shed tears in happiness. Thank you.

8. Your cheerful spirit is contagious. I have never felt so happy just by hearing one's voice.

9. I can't help missing you. I can't help telling you I miss you.

10. I am incomplete without you.

And this is on a lighter note:

11. Fat?????? You are not fat. You are healthy.

I have enough reason to believe there was no hint of sarcasm in that one. And I remember I felt so happy when I heard it. :-D

Counting blessings....

Wednesday, June 20, 2007


I tell you I am, just so you can See me. *chuckle*

On a tangential note,

I tell you I am, just so you can see me for what I am.

world.... hold on.....

Blue Bells

After an absolutely wonderful start to my day today, I came across this piece of writing on the net: (Emphasis added by me)

Worst Things to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed

Some people trivialize depression (often unintentionally) by dropping a platitude on a depressed person as if that is the one thing they needed to hear. While some of these thoughts have been helpful to some people (for example, some find that praying is very helpful), the context in which they are often said mitigates any intended benefit to the hearer. Platitudes don't cure depression.

Here is the list from contributors:

0. "What's *your* problem?"

1. "Will you stop that constant whining? What makes you think that anyone cares?"

2. "Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?"

3. "You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear."

4. "But it's all in your mind."

5. "I thought you were stronger than that."

6. "No one ever said life was fair."

7. "As you get stronger you won't have to wallow in it as much."

8. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."

9. "Do you feel better now?"
(Usually said following a five minute conversation in which the speaker has asked me "what's wrong?" and "would you like to talk about it?" with the best of intentions, but absolutely no understanding of depression as anything but an irrational sadness.)

10. "Why don't you just grow up?"

11. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

12. "There are a lot of people worse off than you?"

13. "You have it so good, why aren't you happy?"

14. "It's a beautiful day!"

15. "You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed!"

16. "What do you have to be depressed about".

17. "Happiness is a choice"

18. "You think *you've* got problems..."

19. "Well at least it's not that bad."

20. "Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress."

21. "There is always somebody worse off than you are."

22. "Lighten up!"

23. "You should get off all those pills."

24. "You are what you think."

25. "Cheer up!"

26. "You're always feeling sorry for yourself."

27. "Why can't you just be normal?"

28. "Things aren't *that* bad, are they?"

29. "Have you been praying/reading the Bible?"

30. "You need to get out more."

31. "We have to get together some time." [Yeah, right!]

32. "Get a grip!"

33. "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

34. "Take a hot bath. That's what I always do when I'm upset."

35. "Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!"

36. "Get a job!"

37. "Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone."

38. "You don't *look* depressed!"

39. "You're so selfish!"

40. "You never think of anyone but yourself."

41. "You're just looking for attention."

42. "Have you got PMS?"

43. "You'll be a better person because of it!"

44. "Everybody has a bad day now and then."

45. "You should buy nicer clothes to wear."

46. "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

47. "Why don't you smile more?"

48. "A person your age should be having the time of your life."

49. "The only one you're hurting is yourself."

50. "You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."

51. "This is a place of BUSINESS, not a HOSPITAL" --> after confiding to supervisor about my depression

52. "Depression is a symptom of your sin against God."

53. "You brought it on yourself"

54. "You can make the choice for depression and its effects, or against depression, it's all in YOUR hands."

55. "Get off your rear and do something." -or- "Just do it!"

56. "Why should I care?"

57. "Snap out of it, will you?"

58. "You *want* to feel this way."

59. "You have no reason to feel this way."

60. "Its your own fault."

61. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

62. "You're always worried about *your* problems."

63. "Your problems aren't that big."

64. "What are you worried about? You should be fine."

65. "Just don't think about it."

66. "Go Away."

67. "You don't have the ability to do it."

68. "Just wait a few weeks, it'll be over soon."

69. "Go out and have some fun!"

70. "You're making me depressed as well..."

71. "I just want to help you."

72. "The world out there is not that bad..."

73. "Just try a little harder!"

74. "Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."

75. "You need a boy/girl-friend."

76. "You need a hobby."

77. "Just pull yourself together"

78. "You'd feel better if you went to church"

79. "I think your depression is a way of punishing us." ---My mother

80. "Sh*t or get off the pot."

81. "So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"

82. "What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective."

83. "You're a writer, aren't you? Just think of all the good material you're getting out of this."

84. This one is best executed with an evangelical-style handshake,i.e. one of my hands is imprisoned by two belonging to a beefy person who thinks he has a lot more charisma than I do: "Our thoughts and prayers are with you." This has actually happened to me. Bitten-back response: "Who are 'our'? And don't do me any favors, schmuck."

85. "Have you tried camomile tea?"

86. "So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"

87. "You will be ok, just hang in there, it will pass." "This too shall pass." - Ann Landers

88. "Oh, perk up!"

89. "Try not being so depressed."

90. "Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won't have
time to brood..."

91. "Go out and get some fresh air... that always makes me feel better."

92. "You have to take up your bed and carry on."

93. "Why don't you give up going to these quacks (ie doctors) and throw out those pills, then you'll feel better."

94. "Well, we all have our cross to bear."

95. "You should join band or chorus or something. That way you won't be thinking about yourself so much."

96. "You change your mind."

97. "You're useless."

98. "Nobody is responsible for your depression."

99. "You don't like feeling that way? So, change it."

Quite a few of them ring a bell. It either means I am selfish and self-centred or that I am tending towards behaving like I am depressed or perceiving the world through a filter. I am unsure as to which one is better or whether all of them apply.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Calling Out

My heart is as heavy as my stomach after an enjoyable lunch with the Thinking Devil. This devil is after all, an angel in disguise. In any case, I love the way the Devil Thinks, if you know what I mean. And the way the thinker relishes and cherishes it. Well, I cherish it too.
A long walk in sultry weather was as enjoyable as lunch itself. It had been a while since we spoke. Good friends are rare and such fruitful walks are rarer. Which brings me to the song I came across when i returned from my walk:

Babe, tomorrow's so far away
There's something I just have to say
I don't think I can hide what I'm feelin' inside
Another day, knowin' I love you
And I, I'm getting too close again
I don't want to see it end
If I tell you tonight will you turn out the light
And walk away knowin' I love you?

I'm gonna take you by surprise and make you realize,
I'm gonna tell you right away, I can't wait another day,
I'm gonna say it like a man and make you understand
I love you

And I feel like today's the day
I'm lookin' for the words to say
Do you wanna be free, are you ready for me
To feel this way
I don't wanna lose you
So, it may be too soon, I know
The feeling takes so long to grow
If I tell you today will you turn me away
And let me go?
I don't wanna lose you

I'm gonna take you by surprise and make you realize,
I'm gonna te ll you right away, I can't wait another day,
I'm gonna say it lik e a man and make you understand

You and I
I know that we can't wait
And I swear, I swear it's not a lie girl
Tomorrow may be too late
You, you and I girl
We can share a life together
It's now or never
And tomorow may be too late

And, feelin' the way I do
I don't wanna wait my whole life through
To say I'm in love with you

- Amanda by Boston (Scholz)

No, don't put two and two together. It isn't as easy and straightforward as it seems and you will end up in a completely wrong track if you walk straight. It is far from a cakewalk.