I hate love

Found this quote on a friend's blog:

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. - Neil Gailman

I agree with it almost entirely. Except perhaps the part about "maybe we should just be friends". Loving a friend also hurts. It need not always be romantic. Loving your sister could hurt. Loving yourself hurts in equal measure at times - at times when the mirror makes you feel ashamed of yourself and you begin wondering how you ever loved the person staring back at you. Is it the same person you thought it was? Yes! Thats the worst thing to be told to you: that you are not the same person you were.

Did I create your illusion? Did I create your reality? How dare you punish me! I am comfortable in my own skin. In my own reality. I have no illusions about this reality. And I know the reality is an illusion. When my world crashes, I re-create it. When I feel you are different in "reality", I create my reality where you are what you want to be. I love you for what you are - in my reality and in yours.

"You are not the person I imagined you were."
"You are just somebody else. It is not your fault." (Well, who cares really even if it was?!)
"You are not the same in reality." (There wasn't any reality for us ever, was there? Reality was an illusion. Illusion is the reality and will continue to be so. When did you start caring about reality?)

These are words which pierce your heart and let it bleed to death. I have been told this. And I have died - a little each time. I have felt helpless, frustrated and cornered. I have squirmed in my seat not knowing what to do. I have cried endlessly. Cried myself to sleep every night. I have FELT my body go numb. I have felt the life go out of my heart. I have felt the song in my heart die. Soul-hurt, that is what it is.

It is worse than death. There is nothing beyond. It is a dead end. Yet, the love stays. The heart bleeds but the love remains.

I hate love.

Music of the Moment: "Follow me down to the valley below... You know... Moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul..." - Lazarus (Porcupine Tree)