Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Religion versus Spirituality

I believe there is an important distinction to be made between religion and spirituality. Religion I take to be concerned with belief in the claims to salvation of one faith tradition or another--an aspect of which is acceptance of some form of meta-physical or philosophical reality, including perhaps an idea of heaven or hell. Connected with this are religious teachings or dogma, ritual, prayers and so on. Spirituality I take to be concerned with those qualities of the human spirit--such as love and compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, contentment, a sense of responsibility, a sense of harmony, which bring happiness to both self and others.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Book of the Moment: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

Monday, October 22, 2007

When the Drop is the Ocean...

They say people come, people go - it is just another drop in the ocean. Oh hell! Then why is this drop an ocean in itself?

Worse still, it engulfs me and I'm drowning...

Friday, October 05, 2007

Soul Hurt

Although I have a most pressing engagement to attend to, I write this post to mark this moment in time, this moment of my life. The moment when I experienced soul hurt.

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools...

The moment when a part of me is taken away. The moment when the soul is touched - and not in a nice way. The moment when the soul is tampered with. The moment when a part of me dies. The moment when my world comes crashing down. The moment when I stop trusting. The moment when faith betrays me. The moment which replaces my life with another's - or so it feels.

And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss....

Soul hurt. The moment when it all ends. Just like that. The End.

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools...

Where are the tools? I don't know. I am lost. I am dead. I am no more. My world is destroyed - it just crashed. I breathe. But just about.

And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

It will never be the same again.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Pardon me for this (paste) "post" but I just couldn't resist. I have been mulling over these wise words too much lately... I'll probably write more about my thoughts on it sometime later. But for now, I'll just paste one of my favourite poems ever! :-D

Have you read it several times over? Read it once again.
Have not read it even once? Read it at least once.


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sunshine, Dementors and the Boys

Tough times are here again, professionally at least. A little bit on the social front too. And on the personal front, well..... all I'll say is that it isn't anything unexpected. Something not foreseeable surely, but certainly not unexpected. Smile and move on. A drop in the ocean...

Have been listening to this extremely catchy and cheerful number called "Sunny Came Home" by Sean Colvin. I absolutely love it! I guess I'll send it to someone just to spread cheer...
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind Into the fire....

Talking of cheer, I must mention that there's a pall of gloom descended on the halls of residence lately. People are either sad, worried, troubled, anxious, depressed, angry or irritable. It is pathetic how these invisible dementors, as I call them, feed on our negativities and banish all cheer and sunshine. Talking of sunshine, the sun glows in me no more, the spring sings in me no more...

Surprisingly cricket, of all things imaginable, provided the much needed respite from this ocean of melancholy. It was exciting, hair raising and absolutely thrilling to watch "the boys" demolish the Pakistanis with such relish. I am full of admiration for the young and enthusiastic new captain who clearly managed to infuse hope, team spirit and determination in the sad, beaten and haggard team ridden with politics, self-interest, thirst for money and craving for more advertisement contracts. The worth of the Big Three (or their absence) was refreshingly palpable in this victory. I was all "happy, happy!" after having successfully cast aside the shroud of gloom, fatigue and mental upheaval for at least a few hours during and after the match. Well done, boys! I sincerely wish this new enthusiasm and team spirit continues.

Oh, I had fever too. Somebody asked me what kind of fever that was. Well, where do I begin? :-P I had fever. Period. Temperature. Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies. I think I caught it from J - I spent a considerable part of the night in her room.

And I realised I positively dislike pushy and imposing mothers. Just a thought. I might be assuming. But a thought nevertheless.

I'll get back to my calling. It has been quite a while...

Music of the Moment: Aankhen teri itni hasee... (Maula Mere) by Anwar.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Shut up!

That is what I need to learn to do. Shut up. Give a rat's ass to moral indignation, principles over people, standing up, fighting... It won't take me too far in my life especially if I need a healthy social life. Shut up no matter what. How does it affect me anyway? I'll talk if it affects me, not otherwise. Certainly think about my friends' interests alone no matter even if their actions spare no thought for mine or anyone else's interests. How could I be such a hypocrite? Being a friend and a fighter at the same time... ? How dare I dare!

But no! I don't ever learn, do I? My voice is uncontrollable. It makes itself heard at every occasion my conscience demands it. Take for instance the case of the poor chicken which was all set to be part of " a game for entertainment to rid the campus of boredom and get some action in". Teams of five members each were given five minutes to chase the little bird all around the quadrangle vying for the coveted "I-hunted-chicken-fastest" prize. Yeah, that is what our idea of entertainment has come down to. The "chasers" "hunting" for the chicken while ensuring to "handle it with care"....

Alright alright, my voice says to the person (?) who came up with the idea of organising this "sporting event", don't give me that "What? Animal Rights, eh?" look of disdain cuz i haven't even gone into that issue yet. I am talking to you like you are a civilised person and that is my mistake, alright. I assumed you are not from some godforsaken archaic village where cockfights are relished with glee even to this day, I'm sorry. I was careless enough to miss out on how you postponed your coveted "game" to make way for an international law firm to conduct job interviews, you are sensible alright. What if they saw you chasing a chicken around campus? Would you be offered a job next year if they remembered your attractive mug? You do have a brain, albeit pea-sized. Congratulations!

And then, I should have shut up. But no, I didn't. I let my voice do all the dirty work. I got disdainful and menacing looks from people, "oh-it-would-have-been-good-fun-this-animal-activist-spoilt-it-all" jeers from creatures I would best describe as sub-humans. Never mind if they didn't realise it wasn't about animal rights - not yet. It was not about being humane yet - they hadn't gone past the even the "human" stage. It was about being civilised. It was about being dignified. More pragmatically, it was about following the law and not getting the University into trouble for lending its premises for "sports" involving cruelty to animals. It wasn't about animal rights yet. It was just about abiding by the law. Human law and Statute law.

My voice did its work well and there was no chicken hunt in college. Thank God for small mercies. But I should have shut up. Who cares about the enormous sense of victory welling up inside my heart? Who cares about the enormous self-satisfaction? Who cares about the chicken - they are not chasing me around!

Why should I talk when its about others? I'll talk when its me. Never mind, if everybody else shuts up then - it isn't about themselves, is it?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Wishes and Rants

It is a close friend's b'day today. It has been almost four years since we met. It seems so long ago - as if it has been [FOURTEEN] years or something. As I spoke to her this morning, I realised how long a period four years is. And how much I missed her. And how much she means to me. This realisation had never hit me with such force.

Familiarity breeds contempt, they say. Distance takes you only that much closer. However, we never felt unfamiliar to each other this morning - not even for a moment. It was as if we hadn't missed anything at all. Yet, I missed her. Happy Birthday to you, my friend! May you have a wonderful year ahead. :)

It is another friend's b'day today. Happy Birthday to you too. I hope you have had a wonderful day the distance notwithstanding. :) Interestingly, these two friends don't share their birthday with each other...

Which reminds me. I hate these courier companies - they make "personal" communication so expensive. Remember how a couple of guys working from a garage brought down the whole ISD calls business and made it practically redundant? I hope the same thing happens with the courier companies too. Unfathomable though it seems now, you never know... *sigh*

And the internet... well... it is just the internet at the end of day. It forever lacks the "personal" touch. Or perhaps it doesn't. It is all in the mind I guess. I'm ranting away. Let me stop writing before I stop making any sense at all...

Happy Birthday once again, to all concerned...

Monday, September 10, 2007

Luck - with strings attached!

I got a four-leaved clover today. On a tarot card. A group of friends were particularly excited about this one particular tarot reader on the net who apparently gave excellent predictions which "made sense". I was quite piqued by the (tacky) idea of thinking mentally about a question I need the answer for and staring into his "eyes" on the screen while he dealt me the cards. I tried it out and got a four-leaved clover as one of my first "sensible" predictions for the day.

Technically, I chose it but I would like to believe the card chose me - seems more clairvoyant and exotic. ;) (you know how these things work with the mind...) However, it turned out it wasn't such a good thing after all when it came "surrounded" by four other "negative" tarot cards. (I was supposed to choose five cards in all.) So the effect is supposedly negative. If it came with other negative cards, the explanation to the card said, I would have disagreements, fights and unpleasant experiences with loved ones. Hmmm... not so inaccurate after all. (The bit about unpleasantness and fights I mean...)

Further, it expressly mentioned, "surrounded by a bad card, you will have loss or disappointment." And as luck(?) would have it, the other cards were indeed "negative" what with coffins (sorrow, death of loved one), clouds (failure and associated despressants) and flowers ("you will get the love of Libran women" - not very pleasant when I'm a heterosexual woman myself, is it?) masking all the good luck.

Oh well, you can't have it all, can you? Thank God, I don't take these tarot cards too seriously. (Remember my earlier post about His gifts?)

I'm still intrigued by the Libran woman part though. Perhaps it assumed erroneously that I was male...

Music of the Moment: ay lets not kill the karma.... ay lets not start a fight.... (Beautiful Liar - Beyonce ft. Shakira)

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Hollow Monk

The Monk who Sold his Ferrari.

Really? If he wanted to be a monk after all, why would he bother to sell his Ferrari? He would have just given it away to the first man he saw, don't you think?

I am yet to decide if the hollowness of the title matches up to that of the content! And just to be sure, I wish to state expressly that it is one of the worst books I've ever read in my life. The last I heard, there was an entire book of Robin Sharma's quotes on how to live life or some such associated trash. I would advise Robin Sharma to actually become a monk and spare us all the torture. Or stop taking himself so seriously for once.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

A Clover and a Song

This terrible headache woke me up. I have been unable to get back to sleep. Feeling awfully restless since then. For lack of the mood to talk about better things, I'll talk about the week that passed.
It was a busy one, this week. The coming week's going to be busier. A presentation, a couple of applications, two vivas, two submissions and two projects is pretty much to do in one week isn't it? Provided moral support to a friend for her first job interview. Lunch was decent. I was told recently, quite contrary to what I believed, that I was not a very happy person. It seems to me now that it was prophetic more than factual. The usual cheer has been avoiding me for many a day now. The summer in me sings no more - more like a sore throat, actually.
The mind is again playing dirty tricks with me. Very well, two can play this game. My game however, won't be dirty. I play fair even if it is the most unfair enemy.
I am reminded of a painting - not very uncommon - depicting a scene of the great battle in the Mahabharatha. Krishna, the charioteer deftly holds the reins of five strong, brilliantly white horses, each running in a different direction from the other, while Arjuna aims an arrow at the enemy on the battlefield. Interpretation has it that the five horses represent the five senses, each running amok - wild and carefree and beyond the control of the being. One who gets a hold on them just as Krishna manages them with his reins so effortlessly, wins the battle of life.
So beautiful, isn't it? The Gita, the Mahabharatha, the Ramayana are oceans of wisdom. I wish I could partake of at least part of this wisdom sometime. It would make my life more fulfilling.
For now, I could do with a four-leafed clover. Yes, not all of them have only three leaves. If a four-leaved one shows itself to you, it means you are in very very good luck.
Yes, I need a four-leaved clover. Now.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Convenient Melancholy

Feeling utterly bored. And this is inspite of having so much work to do, so many things to set right and so many projects to manage. I had been wishing for some change all these days. Now that it has finally arrived, I have this ghostly cloud of melancholy always hovering over my head. It could engulf me at any time and let go whenever it pleases. Right now, I am totally surrounded. It is strange because I know I have no reason to lose cheer.
Yeah, it isn't boredom exactly - am just thoroughly disgruntled and conveniently melancholic. I feel this is the mind's tactic to evade responsibility, to resist change and remain conveniently stuck in the rut. It is another of its games targeted at derailing me. Never mind.Considering I have started working on establishing a fulfilling relationship with it, this should not come as a surprise to me. I never expected a smooth start. And I am not the one to give up either.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

The Giver?

Talking of His gifts, I am reminded about his ostensible magnanimity. He gifts quite sparingly most of which are only token gifts. They are like advertisements for 50% off sales with a tiny asterisk relieving it of all its practical utility. When His gifts are not token - these are even rarer, by the way - they have an excruciatingly small shelf life. You haven't even held it in your hand, admired it, felt the pleasure of possessing it and poof! - it's gone!
I wonder if that is because we don't deserve it. We haven't yet learnt to accept them gracefully. We are not grateful enough. See? We don't deserve it.
Then why give at all? Why raise hopes? Why leave us all worse off than when we didn't have it at all? Only so that we learn we don't deserve it?
Funny, isn't it? His ways... as mysterious as they are cunning.

Music of the Moment (?): my tea's gone cold i'm wondering why i got out of bed at all...

Friday, August 10, 2007


For the first time in my life, I feel lonely. I haven't learnt to accept His gifts gracefully. It is disgraceful.
I am ashamed.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Pervert Meat

I just found out one of our new professors is gay. Of course, it would have been all nice, rosy and highly inconsequential except of course, for some academic interest and finally for some diversity in my boring college life if he had stopped at just that - being gay. The problem is that he is a pervert and not to mention, an unabashed lech. I have had some difficulty in reconciling myself to the fact that one of my teachers is a shameless and disgusting lech, the very thought of whom makes my insides squirm.

One of my classmates was told, albeit privately and ostensibly, also in jest that he should pull his pants down so that he could be recognised by this desperate gay schmuck! I was terribly appalled to say the least. It is simply an insult to the chair of the teacher that one is forced to abuse the person occupying it in such degrading terms. And I fail to understand how the University has managed the terrible feat of stooping so low in its policy considerations and administration that this klutz, of all respectable and learned people in the world provides the last (and only) resort to the University's current pathetic state of affairs by graciously agreeing to take up this course! I shudder to think about the plight of the juniors whose education suffers unfairly and unwarrantedly in the hands of institutions with such abominable lack of foresight. God bless them all! And I thank my stars - for the first time in the day today - for this being my last year in this University. I am concerned, scared and at the same time, relieved at some level.

Anyway, back to the point. Most guys in class are, of course, up in arms against this guy and are driving the concerned authorities desperate to find an alternative or chuck him out. Either way, it isn't going to work out. He has been the last and only oasis in the desert for the University. Which takes care of the second choice. The reaction of the guys brings in the form of a outrage brings with it feelings of pleasant surprise along with some memories. And mind you, this reaction is well before the latest sexual banter of Mr. Pervert with the student. These are sad memories of the very same guys not standing up for a fellow classmate and a girl who happened to be in a similar situation, thanks to another male member of my class.

It was her mistake, they said. She wore such clothes, they said. She behaved in such a way, they said. He committed no sin, they said. He is being demonised, they said.
Sheik Taj Din al-Hilali, Australia's senior-most muslim cleric called women uncovered meat. They attract "sexual predators", he said. They will be eaten by the "cats", he said. It isn't the cat's fault - oh no! The problem is with the meat, not the cat.

And one fine day, this gay teacher comes along promptly subjecting him - the guy to stares, gestures, banter and actions (you know, all those normal things) which are, to her - the girl, simply reminiscent of the everyday happenings in our lives, and whoa - they are all up in arms. This is sexual harassment, they scream. They are ready to revolt, to make noise, yell, disrupt peace and generally gather attention. Last known, a guy was nearly in tears at the idea of having to suffer the pervert's gaze for four consecutive hours (which may extend to six since he cannot keep track of time!) every week. Wonderful! Welcome to her world!

Not a day passes without her shoulders being rubbed against, without her body being the object of the lustful gaze of many pairs of eyes, without her physical attributes being commented upon, without being whistled at by absolute strangers, without her being felt up, messed with and objectified. At the end of the day, she only ends up developing a thick skin but finds very little support or understanding from him.

Finally, he can at least empathise with her, if not support her. And that in itself, is going a long way.

Thank you, Mr. Pervert! And for the record, you disgust me still.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Watermark by a Soothsayer

When I fall in love it will be forever
Or I’ll never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it’s begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

When I give my heart it will be completely
Or I’ll never give my heart
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you.

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you.

When I Fall in Love by Nat King Cole

PS: Dear Cakepearl, This is all thanks to you. :)

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

I hate love

Found this quote on a friend's blog:

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. - Neil Gailman

I agree with it almost entirely. Except perhaps the part about "maybe we should just be friends". Loving a friend also hurts. It need not always be romantic. Loving your sister could hurt. Loving yourself hurts in equal measure at times - at times when the mirror makes you feel ashamed of yourself and you begin wondering how you ever loved the person staring back at you. Is it the same person you thought it was? Yes! Thats the worst thing to be told to you: that you are not the same person you were.

Did I create your illusion? Did I create your reality? How dare you punish me! I am comfortable in my own skin. In my own reality. I have no illusions about this reality. And I know the reality is an illusion. When my world crashes, I re-create it. When I feel you are different in "reality", I create my reality where you are what you want to be. I love you for what you are - in my reality and in yours.

"You are not the person I imagined you were."
"You are just somebody else. It is not your fault." (Well, who cares really even if it was?!)
"You are not the same in reality." (There wasn't any reality for us ever, was there? Reality was an illusion. Illusion is the reality and will continue to be so. When did you start caring about reality?)

These are words which pierce your heart and let it bleed to death. I have been told this. And I have died - a little each time. I have felt helpless, frustrated and cornered. I have squirmed in my seat not knowing what to do. I have cried endlessly. Cried myself to sleep every night. I have FELT my body go numb. I have felt the life go out of my heart. I have felt the song in my heart die.
Soul-hurt, that is what it is.

It is worse than death. There is nothing beyond. It is a dead end. Yet, the love stays. The heart bleeds but the love remains.

I hate love.

Music of the Moment: "Follow me down to the valley below... You know... Moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul..." - Lazarus (Porcupine Tree)

Friday, June 22, 2007

My Sunshine Song

My tea's gone cold and I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all.....
the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if i could it'll all be gray
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad....

(Eminem -Stan ft. Dido)

The breezy lyrics of the feat (and the feat alone) apart, the thing I loved most about the song was the background sound of the patter of raindrops on the window sill, the sound of rain lashing on the road.... beautiful!

I almost felt like I was staring out of my window in the wee hours of a rainy morning, watching the raindrops dancing on the surface of the pond... hmmm

And this, at 2 am in the morning, when the day had tired me out... and I wrote this down: (Disclaimer: I don't claim to be a great poet. And it is upto you if you want to call it a poem. For me, it is the sunshine song.... my song....)

There's no sunshine smiling when I awake
The rain clouds keep him away from me
and I am wondering why i got out of bed at all..

The song in my heart is silenced
and the summer in me sings no more...
The morning tea's gone cold - it has been a while since I had it warm,
a while since you warmed it for me...

but your picture in my mind - it reminds me that it's not so bad, it is not so bad...
i know i can do without the sunshine
cuz your picture's warm - yes, your picture warms my heart...


Thursday, June 21, 2007


Of late, I have been feeling this incredible desire to put down in writing, all those nice unforgettable words people have spoken of me. Needless to say, all of these touched me deeply more for the feeling than for the words themselves.

1. I may not believe in everything you believe in, but I believe in you.

2. There has been a time in my life when you have been a goddess for me. And you are still one.

3. You are my sunshine.

4. I love the conviction with which you stand up for your beliefs in the face of all odds. And that is why I respect you for it although I don't believe in your cause myself.

5. I wouldn't flinch even if I knew you spoke badly about me to another. I know that wouldn't be bitching. Because it is you. Because I trust you so much.

6. I am so glad you are my friend.

7. You get me to shed tears in happiness. Thank you.

8. Your cheerful spirit is contagious. I have never felt so happy just by hearing one's voice.

9. I can't help missing you. I can't help telling you I miss you.

10. I am incomplete without you.

And this is on a lighter note:

11. Fat?????? You are not fat. You are healthy.

I have enough reason to believe there was no hint of sarcasm in that one. And I remember I felt so happy when I heard it. :-D

Counting blessings....

Wednesday, June 20, 2007


I tell you I am, just so you can See me. *chuckle*

On a tangential note,

I tell you I am, just so you can see me for what I am.

world.... hold on.....

Blue Bells

After an absolutely wonderful start to my day today, I came across this piece of writing on the net: (Emphasis added by me)

Worst Things to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed

Some people trivialize depression (often unintentionally) by dropping a platitude on a depressed person as if that is the one thing they needed to hear. While some of these thoughts have been helpful to some people (for example, some find that praying is very helpful), the context in which they are often said mitigates any intended benefit to the hearer. Platitudes don't cure depression.

Here is the list from contributors:

0. "What's *your* problem?"

1. "Will you stop that constant whining? What makes you think that anyone cares?"

2. "Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?"

3. "You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear."

4. "But it's all in your mind."

5. "I thought you were stronger than that."

6. "No one ever said life was fair."

7. "As you get stronger you won't have to wallow in it as much."

8. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."

9. "Do you feel better now?"
(Usually said following a five minute conversation in which the speaker has asked me "what's wrong?" and "would you like to talk about it?" with the best of intentions, but absolutely no understanding of depression as anything but an irrational sadness.)

10. "Why don't you just grow up?"

11. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

12. "There are a lot of people worse off than you?"

13. "You have it so good, why aren't you happy?"

14. "It's a beautiful day!"

15. "You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed!"

16. "What do you have to be depressed about".

17. "Happiness is a choice"

18. "You think *you've* got problems..."

19. "Well at least it's not that bad."

20. "Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress."

21. "There is always somebody worse off than you are."

22. "Lighten up!"

23. "You should get off all those pills."

24. "You are what you think."

25. "Cheer up!"

26. "You're always feeling sorry for yourself."

27. "Why can't you just be normal?"

28. "Things aren't *that* bad, are they?"

29. "Have you been praying/reading the Bible?"

30. "You need to get out more."

31. "We have to get together some time." [Yeah, right!]

32. "Get a grip!"

33. "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

34. "Take a hot bath. That's what I always do when I'm upset."

35. "Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!"

36. "Get a job!"

37. "Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone."

38. "You don't *look* depressed!"

39. "You're so selfish!"

40. "You never think of anyone but yourself."

41. "You're just looking for attention."

42. "Have you got PMS?"

43. "You'll be a better person because of it!"

44. "Everybody has a bad day now and then."

45. "You should buy nicer clothes to wear."

46. "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

47. "Why don't you smile more?"

48. "A person your age should be having the time of your life."

49. "The only one you're hurting is yourself."

50. "You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."

51. "This is a place of BUSINESS, not a HOSPITAL" --> after confiding to supervisor about my depression

52. "Depression is a symptom of your sin against God."

53. "You brought it on yourself"

54. "You can make the choice for depression and its effects, or against depression, it's all in YOUR hands."

55. "Get off your rear and do something." -or- "Just do it!"

56. "Why should I care?"

57. "Snap out of it, will you?"

58. "You *want* to feel this way."

59. "You have no reason to feel this way."

60. "Its your own fault."

61. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

62. "You're always worried about *your* problems."

63. "Your problems aren't that big."

64. "What are you worried about? You should be fine."

65. "Just don't think about it."

66. "Go Away."

67. "You don't have the ability to do it."

68. "Just wait a few weeks, it'll be over soon."

69. "Go out and have some fun!"

70. "You're making me depressed as well..."

71. "I just want to help you."

72. "The world out there is not that bad..."

73. "Just try a little harder!"

74. "Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."

75. "You need a boy/girl-friend."

76. "You need a hobby."

77. "Just pull yourself together"

78. "You'd feel better if you went to church"

79. "I think your depression is a way of punishing us." ---My mother

80. "Sh*t or get off the pot."

81. "So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"

82. "What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective."

83. "You're a writer, aren't you? Just think of all the good material you're getting out of this."

84. This one is best executed with an evangelical-style handshake,i.e. one of my hands is imprisoned by two belonging to a beefy person who thinks he has a lot more charisma than I do: "Our thoughts and prayers are with you." This has actually happened to me. Bitten-back response: "Who are 'our'? And don't do me any favors, schmuck."

85. "Have you tried camomile tea?"

86. "So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"

87. "You will be ok, just hang in there, it will pass." "This too shall pass." - Ann Landers

88. "Oh, perk up!"

89. "Try not being so depressed."

90. "Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won't have
time to brood..."

91. "Go out and get some fresh air... that always makes me feel better."

92. "You have to take up your bed and carry on."

93. "Why don't you give up going to these quacks (ie doctors) and throw out those pills, then you'll feel better."

94. "Well, we all have our cross to bear."

95. "You should join band or chorus or something. That way you won't be thinking about yourself so much."

96. "You change your mind."

97. "You're useless."

98. "Nobody is responsible for your depression."

99. "You don't like feeling that way? So, change it."

Quite a few of them ring a bell. It either means I am selfish and self-centred or that I am tending towards behaving like I am depressed or perceiving the world through a filter. I am unsure as to which one is better or whether all of them apply.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Calling Out

My heart is as heavy as my stomach after an enjoyable lunch with the Thinking Devil. This devil is after all, an angel in disguise. In any case, I love the way the Devil Thinks, if you know what I mean. And the way the thinker relishes and cherishes it. Well, I cherish it too.
A long walk in sultry weather was as enjoyable as lunch itself. It had been a while since we spoke. Good friends are rare and such fruitful walks are rarer. Which brings me to the song I came across when i returned from my walk:

Babe, tomorrow's so far away
There's something I just have to say
I don't think I can hide what I'm feelin' inside
Another day, knowin' I love you
And I, I'm getting too close again
I don't want to see it end
If I tell you tonight will you turn out the light
And walk away knowin' I love you?

I'm gonna take you by surprise and make you realize,
I'm gonna tell you right away, I can't wait another day,
I'm gonna say it like a man and make you understand
I love you

And I feel like today's the day
I'm lookin' for the words to say
Do you wanna be free, are you ready for me
To feel this way
I don't wanna lose you
So, it may be too soon, I know
The feeling takes so long to grow
If I tell you today will you turn me away
And let me go?
I don't wanna lose you

I'm gonna take you by surprise and make you realize,
I'm gonna te ll you right away, I can't wait another day,
I'm gonna say it lik e a man and make you understand

You and I
I know that we can't wait
And I swear, I swear it's not a lie girl
Tomorrow may be too late
You, you and I girl
We can share a life together
It's now or never
And tomorow may be too late

And, feelin' the way I do
I don't wanna wait my whole life through
To say I'm in love with you

- Amanda by Boston (Scholz)

No, don't put two and two together. It isn't as easy and straightforward as it seems and you will end up in a completely wrong track if you walk straight. It is far from a cakewalk.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Visual DNA

It's called the Visual DNA. Found it on Shubha's blog. It was good fun and pretty interesting...

Sunday, April 08, 2007

my world

life is a mirage, it fools you like the moon -
it seems so close when it is far far away;
i hanker after the unknown, seek the unseen;
its a mad mad race - this journey, a wild goose chase;
love not, love not ye' heart - give not, give not;
cuz your world giveth u no food, no sleep -
'tis no good, these gashes so deep;
you know you are dust like everyone else,
you cometh from dust and it makes no sense;
no sense to dream, no sense to smile -
no sense to run mile after mile;
but i am a stone - stubborn and strong,
i heed not words whether wise or wrong;
i love, i give, i trust, i smile,
you laugh at me yet i run mile after mile;
in your world they call me a fool, they call me insane,
they call me names, they call me a shame;
yes, i stay foolish, i stay hungry,
yes, i stay insane - i don't need your world;
"to sleep perchance to dream - aye, there's the rub",
it was a great bard - a bard in your world;
yes, i sleep: yes, i dream,
i sleep to dream and dream to sleep (in peace)...

PS: This is my first poem ever!